To Christopher Cringle

Dear Santa, I knew you were real, I just knew it. For years my mummy wouldn’t let me see you, kept saying I had to be asleep in my bed before you would come, but I knew someday we would meet. My name is Edward, I’m 9 and have a pet Rat called Richard. I don’t have any friends and I keep getting picked on at school, bu…t am well behaved and love science. This year I have been helping out around the house, hovering, ironing, polishing and plumbing. Like my author I am very clever and naturally brilliant and everything and one day I hope to be a subatomic biomechanical physicist or work in a Train Station because I love trains.

My mummy says she can’t afford it, but this year I would really like a Fujifilm Finepix S200EXR digital camera, mummy also says I shouldn’t know what one is because I’m only 9 years old, which I considered rich coming from a person who considers the World Wide Web some form of adhesive used for large picture frames. An…d so dear Santa now that you have are online perhaps you could make my dreams come true this year (£395 from warehouseexpress.com), I hope your reindeer are keeping well, and please send Richard the rat something, he is getting board of his annual magnetic chessboard set on the basis that he regards it as food.

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